Committing at Eighteen: Maintaining a Relationship at a Young Age – by Mandy

Maintaining a relationship in this day and age as a mere eighteen year old can be quite a tricky thing to do—trust me, I’m living it.  Being eighteen in today’s world comes with a plethora of responsibilities and expectations, not to mention fulfilling the desire of being in a happy, committed relationship.  Honestly, it can be quite overwhelming.

Blowing out the candles of my birthday cake upon my eighteenth birthday was my first official step into adulthood.  Up until this point, I had been able to depend on others for life’s basic needs (food, shelter, love, etc.).  However, once I turned eighteen, that all changed.  I immediately moved out on my own, had just graduated high school and was beginning my first year in college, changing jobs, and, on top of all of that, attempting to maintain a relationship.  Needless to say, it is not an easy thing to do and took quite a toll on me. 

The pressures of an eighteen year old are endless.  Not only was I trying to become my own person, living up to my own wants, needs, and expectations, but I was also trying to live up to the expectations of my friends, family members, and the men in my life.  After many feeble attempts at trying to please everyone, I soon realized that there usually is no way in hell to make everyone happy, to live up to all of their expectations.  I then decided to concentrate more on what I wanted and what I needed.  I figure that once I have established my own personal wants and needs, I will be more able to work on fulfilling the wants and needs of others in my life.

At this point in my life, however, I was still struggling on deciding between my wants versus my needs, my main struggle being a relationship.  I know that I needed to concentrate more on my work and school work, but at the same time I couldn’t help but want to be in a relationship.  Hearing about the love lives of my friends and seeing happy couples walking hand in hand all over campus day to day also didn’t help ease my wants very much.  In my mind, I had decided that once I was happy and in a relationship, everything else would fall into place.  That idea was completely misconstrued though, so I took the opposite route:  getting everything else together (my career and school work), and then waiting for my prince to come my way.  Waiting for something you’re not so sure is coming can be quite stressful though, and I soon discovered that I can be quite impatient.  So instead of waiting idly for a great man to come sweep me off of my feet, I took my own course of action and decided to go searching for him.

When it comes to relationships, it seems that everyone in my life believed that they had a say.  My family wanted what was best for me, though what they saw as best for me was not exactly what I wanted.  My mother just wanted me to be happy and was relatively supportive with my choices in men, but my father was just the opposite.  In his mind, no one was good enough for his little girl, and he always had his gun cocked, ready to bust a cap in anyone who might break my heart.  My dad was the hardest to please when it came to me being in relationships.  He suspected foul motives of any guy that I wanted to bring home, and refused to believe I had become a woman, preferring to imagine me as the same little girl he used to read bedtime stories to.  He was completely irrational when it came to my dating, always very cynical and disapproving.  It got to the point to where I wouldn’t tell him about any guys that I was dating and stopped brining men home to meet him.

From my friends’ perspectives, no man was ever good enough for me (he was too much of a jerk, not smart enough, not going anywhere in life, too tall, ugly, had bad teeth, etc.).  Whenever I was with anyone, I had to constantly listen to their nit picking—some even came up with page long lists of why I shouldn’t be with the guy in question!  At first, it aggravated me immensely—I mean it’s my life after all, who are they to judge?  But upon further scrutiny, I realized many a times they were right about certain guys being bad for me, though they were also wrong sometimes, too.  Though I hate to admit it, there have been times that I’ve broken up with a potentially great guy, just so that I wouldn’t have to listen to my friends constantly bickering about him.  Their disapproval in the men that I had been dating made me change my idea of what I wanted from a man, but I soon realized that I was only trying to live up to their expectations.  I would go on dates with guys that they would hook me up with, whom I held absolutely no interest for, merely to please them.  After awhile of this though, I decided it was time to stop dating who my friends wanted me to date, and to go after the types of men I wanted to be with.

Ah, the types of men I wanted to be with…another problem all in its own.  My ‘type’ of man that I was after proved to be a very wide spectrum, and a lot to expect out of men in my age range.  Be this as it may, I wasn’t willing to settle for less.  I wanted a man who could make me laugh, was attractive, intelligent, goal oriented and going somewhere in life, open, caring and not shallow, not just after sex, and who would be there for me.  Most men around my age were relatively immature though, with no life plans and few goals.  Though I understand that was to be expected, I couldn’t help but feel that if I was with anyone who fell short of  those qualities then I’d be cheating myself in the long run by not obtaining what I truly desired.  Men would come and go, and, sadly, I did settle for less a few times, but it never lasted.

Finding a guy around my age willing to be in a relationship with me also proved to be rather tricky.  Men seem to sprint away from the word ‘commitment,’ especially younger guys.  Men in my age range seemed to have only one thing on their minds:  sex.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love sex, but in my opinion, sex is so much better when shared with someone that I care about on a deeper, not just physical, level.  Be this as it may, men at this age are hormone ridden and not only want sex, but expect it.  Even worse, most expect sex with no strings attached, but then have the audacity to get angry whenever I’d see anyone else.  It seemed like a complete double standard to me, and also very immature on their part.  You simply can’t want to have a no-strings-attached sexual relationship with someone and then get angry when the person is seeing someone else—it just doesn’t work that way, buddy! 

This time in a man’s life is seen more as a time to have fun and act a fool.  Though they are adults, men at this age tend to believe they still have some leeway in the responsibility department, and some people think it’s acceptable when these men aren’t very responsible.  I, however, was not one of those people.  Being overly critical of the men in my life made it all the more difficult to find one I actually wanted to maintain a relationship with; however, I knew that once I’d found the right man that it would have all have been worth it.

Finding love at eighteen and maintaining a relationship will not be easy in the slightest.  However, once you find the right person, none of that will matter.  In the long run, it all will have been worth it.

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Spicing Up Your Sex Life

Sex is an important part of any relationship.  However, once you’ve been in a relationship for awhile, your sex life may fall under the wayside.  Sex just simply isn’t a top priority in your life once you’ve been with your partner for so long…but it should be.  Not only does sex keep things fun and exciting between you and your partner, but it can also deepen the bond between you and your partner.  You can have sex with just anyone, but the emotional bond between you and your partner will make sex all the better.  The more you connect on an emotional level, the better you will connect on a sexual level.  Having a healthy sex life will keep both you and your partner sexually satisfied and allow the two of you to connect more deeply on all levels.

Once you have been with someone for so long, the initial spark in your sex life starts to die out, leaving you with more of a dull, and possibly even a non-existent sex life.  Be this as it may, you can’t allow this to happen.  A dull, infrequent, or routine sex life can sabotage your relationship.  If you want to have a long lasting relationship then you must not let your sex life bite the dust.  You have to reignite the flame!

Once you have been with someone for awhile, you learn what they like and what they do not like and tend to fall into a certain routine of things of which your partner enjoys.  However, routines can get boring and expected.  If you know what’s coming, it simply isn’t going to be as enjoyable because it’s expected.  But let’s say you were to throw in a new twist or trick… That new twist or trick alone may amp up not only your partner’s arousal, but your arousal as well.  Below is a list of some tips you can use to spice up your sex life.

                Tips to Spice Up Your Sex Life:

·        Romantic Getaways. If you have been with your partner for awhile, chances are that you haven’t taken the initiative to go on a romantic getaway for quite some time.  Get away for a weekend, or even just for a night.  Reclaim that passion from the beginning of your relationship by dedicating this getaway solely to passion and pleasure.  Not only will you return from this getaway feeling more sexually satisfied, but you will also feel more connected to your partner.  When choosing a romantic getaway, you want to choose a place that both you and your partner will enjoy.  This could be a place you used to visit or a place you’ve been wanting to visit.  You could go to a luxurious hotel, check out a beach house, stay in a log cabin in the woods—whatever appeals to you and your partner. 

·        Role Play and Fantasy.  Think about a sexy fantasy scenario; there are a plethora to choose from (nurse/patient, school girl/professor, cop/criminal, secretary/boss, slave/master, etc.).  Discuss role playing with your partner to find out what they would like to try and what they find sexy.  The more you communicate your fantasies with one another, the more aroused and connected the two of you will become.  Once the two of you have decided on a role play scenario, get the necessary equipment (outfits, props, etc.) and start acting out some scenes.

·        Toys.  Sex toys can immensely spice up your sex life.  Not only will you be trying something new, but you will also be physically satisfying yourself and your partner on a whole new level.  There are many different sex toys you can try, such as vibrators (g-spot stimulators, clitoris vibes, vibrating penis rings), dildos, anal play (anal beads, prostate stimulators), lubricants (flavored, arousal intensifying, orgasm enhancing, tingling sensations, etc.), sex games (naughty dice, dirty cards games, sexy board games), bondage gear (blindfolds, whips, chains, handcuffs, mouth gags, bondage tape, bed restraints, nipple clamps, rope, etc.), and much more!  Discuss trying out some toys with your partner, but be considerate about it.  Some people may be offended by the proposal of sex toys, feeling that they alone aren’t enough to satisfy you.  If your partner seems taken aback by the mention of bringing sex toys into the bedroom, explain that you are only wanting to spice things up and enhance their pleasure, ensuring them that they are all you need sexually, but that these toys can help make the sex even better.  If your partner does seem wary then start out small, with only one or two toys, and gradually work your way up to more.  And if you choose toys that vibrate or are battery operated, be sure to have new batteries on hand at all times!  Batteries can die quickly and the last thing you want is to be in the middle of an orgasm with a dead battery.

These tips can work wonders for your sex life.  With the help of these tips, you and your partner can be closer and more sexually satisfied than ever.  Just remember—take these tips in moderation and don’t try to spring them all onto your partner at once; that can be too overwhelming.  Discuss these things with your partner.  Once you have agreed upon some of these ideas, give them a try.  Revel in the ecstasy that a new and improved sex life can give you.

Important

I wanted to take a moment today to post a speech that I was recently emailed. While this site is dedicated to relationships and at first you may question why I have chosen to post this speech here… it is because this speech has everything to do with relationships, on every level. The next part of the entry is the email. I encourage you to take the time to read this, and really think about it. Because  Mr. Wise is absolutely correct.

My friends.  I don’t usually send out these type of things mostly because I am rarely inspired by the majority of rhetoric and spin postured by the talking heads we are bombared with daily.  But this brief  speech by Tim Wise (a white Phd author) was powerful and as someone confounded by the recent ‘gap-narrowing’ of the Presidential election- I found it also illuminating.  I hope you will all take a minute to read it. 
 
 
White Privilege, White Entitlement and the 2008 Election

By Tim Wise

For those who still canʼt grasp the concept of white privilege, or who
are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it,
perhaps this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol
Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your
family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you
or your parents, because ‘every family has challenges,’ even as black
and Latino families with similar ‘challenges’ are regularly typified
as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a ‘fuckinʼ redneck,’
like Bristol Palinʼs boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone
messes with you, you’ll ‘kick their fuckin’ ass,’ and talk about how
you like to ’shoot shit’ for fun, and still be viewed as a
responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather
than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six
years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of,
then returned to after making up some coursework at a community
college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to
achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as
unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first
place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town
smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state
with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island
of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people
donʼt all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S.
Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means
youʼre ‘untested.’

White privilege is being able to say that you support the words ‘under
God’ in the pledge of allegiance because ‘if it was good enough for
the founding fathers, itʼs good enough for me,’ and not be immediately
disqualified from holding office–since, after all, the pledge was
written in the late 1800s and the ‘under God’ part wasnʼt added until
the 1950s–while believing that reading accused criminals and
terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you
used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous
and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make
people immediately scared of you. White privilege is being able to
have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that
wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was ‘Alaska
first,’ and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family,
while if you’re black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11
memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school,
people immediately think sheʼs being disrespectful.

White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and
the work they do–like, among other things, fight for the right of
women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end
to child labor–and people think youʼre being pithy and tough, but if
you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month
governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in
college–youʼre somehow being mean, or even sexist.

White privilege is being able to convince white women who donʼt even
agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your
running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the
ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made
them give your party a ’second look.’

White privilege is being able to fire people who didnʼt support your
political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being
a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and
merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in
Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose
pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize
George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly
Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian
theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who
say the conflict in the Middle East is Godʼs punishment on Jews for
rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think youʼre just a good
church-going Christian, but if youʼre black and friends with a black
pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of
Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign
policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on
black people, youʼre an extremist who probably hates America.

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by
a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you
such a ‘trick question,’ while being black and merely refusing to give
one-word answers to the queries of Bill OʼReilly means youʼre dodging
the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.

White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has
anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being
black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it, a
‘light’ burden.

And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly
allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W.
Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing,
people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S.. is
increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters
arenʼt sure about that whole ‘change’ thing. Ya know, itʼs just too
vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which
is very concrete and certain.

White privilege is, in short, the problem.

The Importance of Follow Through

It’s been a little bit since I have posted a new article here. So today I wanted to talk about how important it is to follow through with what you say to your partner.

 

This can be as simple as saying that you are going to be home for dinner to that you are going to complete a project at home that you have. For some reason if you can’t make it, or you can’t do it then have the respect for your partner to pick up the phone and call them. I guarantee you that you are less likely to have an argument when you do finally get home if they know before hand that you aren’t going to make it.

 

Let’s start with something as simple as being home for dinner. We all know that things happen, and sometimes they happen at the last moment. Unfortunately your partner isn’t there, doesn’t know what is going on and is sitting at home waiting for you… and waiting. We can even go as far as to say that your partner waits long enough and picks up the phone and calls you to see if everything is okay, if you are coming. If your response is that you just finished and two hours after that conversation you are still not home and haven’t called DON’T expect to come home to a partner that is waiting at the door to kiss you and welcome you home.

 

It doesn’t take much for you to pick up the phone and call. To me, it is a matter of respect. It shows that you care about your partner. You told them you were going to do something, you aren’t going to be able to but you don’t want to leave them hanging and waiting.

 

This goes for men and women, I don’t care who you are. If you are in a relationship and you care about and love the other person, and you expect them to do what they say they are going to do then you should do the same.

 

I also want to caution you about repeatedly saying that you are going to do something and repeatedly having reasons as to why it isn’t going to happen. That is going to create a situation when what you say means nothing to your partner. It will weaken trust and the bond that you have with your partner.

 

It’s funny to me, not funny ha ha, funny ironic, that the first person we are most likely to take for granted is our partner. We just go through our relationships thinking that person is always going to be there. If you don’t take the time to take care of your relationship you may be surprised the day you come home and that relationship is gone. No one likes to be let down. No one likes to made to feel as though they are not important to the person they love. And while you may not think that simply not following through on what you say would give that impression… over time… when it happens more then once… that is exactly what you are telling your partner. It is the equivalent of saying, “I’ll get to you when I can.”

 

By the time you get to your partner… they just may not be there.

 

This is one of the main reasons for people to cheat.  Don’t make the mistake in thinking that people stray for sex. The main reason that a married or committed person will stray is because their needs are not being met by the person they are with.

 

Think about that, if you are repeatedly letting your partner know that they don’t matter… or they aren’t important enough… doesn’t it make sense that they would find someone that will make them feel important? That they would spend time with a person that put them first? See it isn’t sexual, and it isn’t for love… they may love you more then anything… and that is why they stay, but their needs have to be met as well.

 

I have talked before that it is the little things in a relationship that mean so much. It is the little things that you do or don’t do for your partner that will make or break your relationship.

 

Take care of your relationship. Follow through with what you say to your partner. It could make all the difference between a long happy relationship and the end of what you thought was a great relationship.

What Turns a Man On

If you are really interested in knowing what turns a man on you should read this post. I did some digging, asked a few questions of the masculine sex to see what it is that really flips the internal switch and makes them “want” a woman. What I came up with may surprise you.

 

This is not to say that I didn’t get the answers of the sexy full lips, the ample cleavage and the perfect ass. See there are plenty of woman out there that have those attributes, but not all of them are men magnets… as a matter of fact, there are many women that lack some or all of those physical attributes that have more men flocking to them then the movie star beauties. So what is it? Trust me, it isn’t rubbing the Planters peanuts on your skin that is going to get you the guy.

 

Posture

 

Oh shake your head if you want, but by and large men prefer a woman that stands tall. I am not talking height, I am talking standing up straight. This shows confidence. The majority of woman that stand up straight also dress well and exercise. They feel good about who they are and what they have. A woman that is proud of her body, regardless of the shape or size is going to make a man take notice.

 

Buck Up

 

Guess what, men know that woman get hurt and that they cry. In general men also want to be there to help “the lady in distress” and woo away the worries of that woman so she feels safe and secure. That’s endearing. But if you want to really drive a man wild, bite your lip and suck it up. Men seem to find woman that handle some of the crap that life throws at them insanely attractive.

 

Back off the irritableness and the yelling you are about to do. This is not saying that you shouldn’t cry, and that you shouldn’t want a man that is going to take care of you and be there when you need them… what this is saying is that there are times when you as a woman should stand up and be able to take the pain, the agony, the twists and turns in your life. That shows inner strength, which is sexy.

 

Baseball Caps

 

Yes we know that men wear them, for one a few reasons, to support their team, to hide the bed head or to hide the bald spot. But when they see a woman sporting a baseball cap it is a turn on. This seems to tell men that you are strong, comfortable just kickin back and sporty.

 

Know Software

 

This one makes me laugh a little bit. Men are attracted to woman that are software savvy. There is something about a woman that is able to navigate her way around systems, connections and networks that turn them on.

 

Shampoo

 

Ok, this is one that I completely agree with, not the only one, there are a few I already mentioned that I agree with and know that they are true. But this one is pretty good. While in general men are considered visual, they need the eye candy, they are also incredibly turned on by what they smell. This is where the perfume and scented body lotions come into play… and DON”T forget about the sexy shampoo. Men love the sweet smell of freshly washed hair when you are cuddled up next to them. It makes them think about all the good of a relationship.

 

Underwear: Skip Victoria Secret

 

I am sure that woman everywhere are either laughing at this one or they think I am insane. But the honest to God truth here is that yes, men love the sexy lingerie for those special occasions: birthdays, honeymoon, anniversaries and the moments when you are asking to be seduced… but is the one look that they all seem to agree is the sexiest? Boxer shorts and a thin t-shirt… or one of his dress shirts and panties.

 

Get Dirty

 

I don’t mean talk dirty, I mean don’t be afraid to get out there and get dirty and sweat. Yes men love a woman that knows how to dress well and look outstanding for the night… but they also appreciate and love a woman that is not afraid to get out and nature and soak it up. Hike, bike, mow the yard, hack the trees… be able to pull your own weight along side a man through manual labor… they just may want to take you right then and there.

 

“Duhh…”

 

Yes, men like smart women, we have already discussed that… but there is a small part of the man’s brain that also wants you to occasionally be “ditsy” or “silly.” No one likes a know it all that knows it all all of the time… especially men, especially when that know it all is a woman. This isn’t saying they like airheads, this isn’t saying that you should hide your smarts… this is saying that there are times, when you are just going to have to let something go. I call it compromise. Men like to know that they are needed, just like a woman does. So you have to let them know that you need them… that you can’t do everything on your own and you don’t know everything.

 

It’s Your Sexual Independence Day

It’s the Fourth of July, a day for fireworks and explosive excitement! Don’t forget to get those fireworks going between you and your partner.

 

Today should be the day you divulge a delicious fantasy to one another, tell each other what you really want to try, even if it is only this once. The electricity is in the air, use it to set the mood.

 

Let the kids play while you frolic and have good time of your own.

 

It’s time to get the out the motion lotion, edible panties and whip cream. Decorate one another with tasty treats and eat them off one another.

 

Try a new position, one that you haven’t ever done before. There are plenty of sites on the net that offer you new positions, or sex position games.

 

Lite the wick now so that by tonight the two of you are ready to climax together in a sweat soaked pool of satisfaction.

 

Listen to one another… show eachother how you want to be touched… tell him where you really want his tongue to go.

 

Consider this your sexual independence a day. The day that your relationship took on a whole new excitement.

 

Don’t think just because you are going to a cook out that you can’t play. I am sure there will be one type of food or another you can discretely give your man an oral show with. Who is to say that when the sun goes down and every one is in place to watch the fireworks you can let your fingers do some roaming over those sexy places.

 

What are you waiting for!

Compliment to LoveLife

I wanted to let all of my valued readers know that I have created another site, which deals more intimately with the physical apsect of a healthy relationship. You can find it at http://artofintimacy.wordpress.com.

More indepth looks into the desires of the skin and how to improve and enrich your sexual experiences. It may make some blush, it may turn some on… the goal is to help everyone enjoy the sensual being they are.

I already have the first post up, explaining a little more about the Tantra and the philosphy behind it. Up coming post include Ejaculation Control, Yoni Massage Techniques, Lingam Massage and Sacred Spot Massage.

It will be enough to turn on the most bashful of a person.

Tantric Massage

For anyone that is looking to improve upon how the feel about themselves and how intimate their relationship is with their loved one, that you should take the time to delve a little deeper in to the ancient Indian teaching of Tantra.

It is through Tantra that you are going to be able to experience a whole new stage of bliss for the body and the soul.

Tantra massages help in letting go, relaxing and surrendering to the deeper senses and one’s own sensuality. Following a defined ritual, the entire body is massaged in a loving way using selected oils. This includes also the genital areas if you wish. This special Yoni- or Lingam massage activates the sensitive reflexology and erotic points in this areas.

Sensual accessories such as feathers and silk are used to sensitize the skin. It is safe to say that most people are looking for ways to try something new to enrich their sexual experiences. When you are the person receiving the massage you are in a passive and receiving role. The point is for you to experience pleasure and enjoyment.

There are various types of Tantric massage to consider. I want to list a few of the different types of Tantric massage you can learn about, practice and receive. There are massage professionals that practice these as well, it may take some looking to find qualified massage therapists… It could be a lot more fun for you and your significant other to get a few books and a few videos and learn how to perform these yourself.

The 4 Hand Massage

A rising intensity of sensual pleasure can be experienced by being touched by two women or a man and a woman at the same time. A quartet of sensitive hands floats across the body. A luxurious variation, which is recommend to those who know to enjoy.

For Woman

Tantra massage including the Yoni massage, a massage of pure relaxation which includes with plenty of time the outer and inner area of the Yoni and the pelvis. Without any pressure you can gain a deeper connection to yourself by being massaged in your most intimate space. Your feeling will touch you deeply – it is healing as well as sensual.

What is the Yoni?

Yoni is the Sanskrit word for the vagina that is loosely translated as “sacred space” or “Sacred Temple.” In Tantra, the Yoni is seen from a perspective of love and respect. This is particularly important for men to learn.

Before beginning the Yoni Massage it is important to create a space for the woman (the receiver) in which to relax, from which she can more easily enter a state of high arousal and experience great pleasure from her Yoni. Her partner (the giver) will experience the joy of  giving pleasure and witnessing a special moment. The Yoni Massage can also be used as a form of “safe sex” and is an excellent activity to build trust and intimacy. Some massage and sex therapists use it to assist women to break through sexual blocks or trauma.

The goal of the Yoni massage is not solely to achieve orgasm, although orgasm is often a pleasant and welcome side effect. The goal can be as simple as to pleasure and massage the Yoni. From this perspective both receiver and giver can relax, and do not have to worry about achieving any particular goal. When orgasm does occur it is usually more expanded, more intense and more satisfying. It is also helpful for the giver to not expect anything in return, but simply allow the receiver to enjoy the massage and to relax into herself.

Massage for Couples

This is a massage that you would have done for you. The point of this massage is for you and your partner to experience the massage together. Is it possible to learn how to do this when it is just the two of, yes… and with practice it could have an even more intense result. To experience this massage together can be very strong and unique. Also it can give a wonderful idea how to enrich your love life.

Here both partners enjoy the massage together. They are massaged from either two woman or a man and a woman at the same time, deciding themselves whether they would like to be massaged in the same or in separate rooms. There will be no sexual intercourse between the partners. At the end of the massage you have 15 min alone to be together in your own way.

If you decide for one room it is recommend that you mentally prepare yourself. Than be aware of that at the same time four people are in the room. It can be more difficult to keep to your own perception. Also to create a space that you can both really open yourself it is good to discuss together whether it is okay for both of you that your partner lying next to you will be touched intimately by another woman.

 

Time for Sex

If you are one of the many people that are trying to figure out the best time to seduce your mate for the ultimate satisfaction, did you know that it has a lot to do with the time of day you are trying to make your move.

While some people will tell you the best time for sex is whenever they are awake, sexologists (yes, there are people that study this) have found that the time of day you have sex impacts how much you enjoy it. This could be good news for people who feel they have all the right moves, the right connection with their partner… but still aren’t quite getting there.

Let’s take a look at the hours of the day and what works best for who:

06:00-08:00

A Woman: Her body is not yet ready for sex even if she is already awake, according to Men’s Life magazine. The melatonin level (the sleep hormone) is still too high while her body temperature has not yet gone up (it stays somewhat lower at night). At times a woman can derive special pleasure when her partner starts making love to wake her up. But a man should not skip the foreplay; he had better let his woman wake up by making it nice and slow.

A Man: In terms of sexual excitability, most men reach their peak during these hours. He needs to have a thrill and get some energy for a new day. On the other hand, he is normally quick on the trigger. Wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am is all a woman can expect at this point.

08:00-10:00

A Woman: A woman is fully awake and ready for sex. The level of endorphin, which is the hormone of joy,  in her blood reaches its maximum during these hours. She will not take long to get excited.

A Man: His mind is focused on his work now. His testosterone level lowered back to normal, and therefore he would be pretty hard to arouse.

10:00-12:00

A Woman: Her taste receptors have sharpened by now. During these hours she can get maximum pleasure out of oral sex. Incidentally, a man seems to be always ready and willing to indulge in this form of sexual activity.

A Man: He is in a thoughtful mood at the time. That is why he would rather ponder sex for hours than make the first move and get it on.

12:00-2:00pm

A Woman: Her activity reaches its peak during these hours. However, her activity has nothing to do with sex. She finds it hard to unwind and focus on sex at this stage.

A Man:  He is in the mood for a bit of frolicking. He would be glad to join any sexual activity if his partner happens to be in a similar disposition.

2:00pm-4:00pm

A Woman: Her reproductive system is completely prepared for conception during these hours. Meanwhile, she is not ready to make love slow and easy. She would rather have somewhat cursory sex with a pinch of S&M.

A Man: Semen produced in the male reproductive organs about 4 p.m. is of the highest quality. Therefore, the above hours are the best if procreation is on your mind

4:00pm-6:00pm

A Woman: Most women are incapable of engaging in active lovemaking during these hours. On the other hand, she would not mind a quickie on a lazy afternoon. So do not tell your man to hold his horses if he is feels sexually excited.

A Man: Ready for action though incapable of engaging in slow sex. He needs a fast one to get rid of his stress and negative energy buildup.

6:00pm-8:00pm

A Woman: A woman needs to replenish a lack of energy so dinner would come in handy. The sensory nerve endings in her ears are finely tuned during these hours. A woman is inclined to listen to long love confessions and colorful compliments at this stage.

A Man: A man couldn’t care less for sex at the point. He wants to have a nice dinner and some rest thereafter.

8:00pm-10:00pm

A Woman: The best time for going all the way nice and slow. A woman is full of energy (if she ate her dinner well) and ready to act on her own initiative. Experimentation between the sheets is highly recommended.

A Man: A man is ready to get off too and fulfill his partner’s every wish. Both male and female sexual clocks are ticking simultaneously at this stage.

10:00pm-Midnight

A Woman: Her melatonin level goes up dramatically about midnight. Her body is falling fast asleep even if she usually stays up late. Therefore, her sexual excitability decreases. However, she feels more romantically excited than before…

A Man: He feels totally relaxed yet not sleepy. A man is ready to engage in long and slow lovemaking activity. The remainder of his energy should be released through sex so that he can fall asleep soundly.

Midnight-06:00

A Woman: Her body needs good rest. However, some people can have sex in a drowse. Many women who never experienced orgasm before are reported to achieve a peak of sexual gratification while making love half-asleep. The phenomenon has to do with the state of complete relaxation occurring in a sleep. Needless to say, her partner should stay awake to do his bit.

A Man: Complete and total deep sleep. It would take a lot of effort to wake him up.

As you can see, there are really about four hours when both men and women are on about the same page when it comes to sex. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t be spontaneous and try different times of the day to please your partner and experiment. Sometimes that is really all that is missing… spontaneity. If you always have to wait until you are in your room, behind closed doors at night… that tends to become mundane and predictable.

No one said the kids have to be asleep or not home… they just need to be occupied in another room where they aren’t going to see you. Plus you have the added excitement of “being caught in the act,” which can really heat things up!

 

What Making Love Can Do for Your Health

You can hardly wait for your partner to walk through that door so you can take them in your arms, kiss them enticingly and begin the foreplay that will lead to a few hours of sensual play, erotic passion and total exhaustion. It’s hard for anyone to ignore the urge when it takes us over… but did you know that there are a number of health benefits to making love. Yes, there are more reasons then just because it feels good. Here is a list of what love making means to your overall health.

1. Exercise. “Sexual activity is a form of physical exercise,” according to Dr. Michael Cirigliano of the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. Making love three times a week burns around 7,500 calories in a year — the equivalent of jogging 75 miles. I don’t know about you, but I would much rather make love to my husband then run 75 miles!
2. Heavy Breathing. A night of love can raise the amount of oxygen in cells, helping to keep organs and tissues functioning at their peak.
3. Strong Bones and Muscles. “Any kind of physical exercise is going to increase testosterone,” states Dr. Karen Donahey, director of the Sex and Marital Therapy Program at Chicago’s Northwestern University Medical Center. Testosterone is believed to help keep men’s bones and muscles strong. If you really love your partner then show him by making love to him, let him know that you are interested in his long term health.
4. Lowered Cholesterol. Making love regularly can lower levels of the body’s total cholesterol slightly, while positively changing the ratio of good-to-bad cholesterol.
5. Pain Relief. Sex can lower levels of “arthritic pain, whiplash pain and headache pain,” according to Dr. Beverly Whipple, president-elect of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Hormones that are released during sexual excitement and orgasm can elevate pain thresholds. What does this mean… it means that old excuse of “Not tonight I have a headache,” has gone out the window! Having a headache is now a plea for pleasure fulfillment!
6. DHEA — Without Supplements. DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone), a popular supplemental hormone, is released naturally during lovemaking. Just before orgasm and ejaculation, DHEA spikes to levels three to five times higher than usual.
7. Prostate Protection. Researchers say prostate trouble may arise or be worsened by fluid buildup within the gland. Regular ejaculation will help wash out those fluids. Be cautious when suddenly changing frequency — sudden changes may also trigger prostate problems.
8. Stress Relief. Sex can be a very effective way of reducing stress levels. I think that’s a no brainer but felt that it should be included in the list of health benefits.
9. Love Will Keep Us Together. Affectionate touch will increase levels of oxytocin — the “bonding hormone.” Oxytocin is a desire-enhancing chemical secreted by the pituitary. Regular oxytocin release may help encourage frequent lovemaking.
10. Hormones — Naturally. Regular lovemaking can increase a woman’s estrogen level, protect her heart and keep her vaginal tissues more supple.

So, if there was every a doubt as to why making love is important this list should help erase that. I do want to clarify that this should be healthy sex, that both people consent to and are able to enjoy. Intimacy is an incredibly important aspect to any relationship… that intimacy needs to spread outside of the bedroom so that attraction, desire, respect and confidence and trust are felt in every aspect of the relationship.